


See, I've Been a Bad, Bad Man

by veleda_k



Category: White Collar
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s02e09 Point Blank, F/M, Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veleda_k/pseuds/veleda_k
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fowler's thoughts during the climatic scene of "Point Blank." Spoilers for said episode, unsurprisingly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See, I've Been a Bad, Bad Man

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "How You Like Me Now," by the Heavy

Honestly, I've been waiting for this day. You're too smart not to track me down eventually, and I know what the evidence looks like.

I've been waiting for you, Neal.

I always liked you. Sure, you were a pain in my ass, but we both know how it is, to miss someone. You're not like Burke, with his devoted wife and rising career. If you knew, you would understand why I did what I did. 

Most of all, though, I respected her. And if Kate thought you were worth something, she was probably right.

I wanted you two to make it. Do you know that? It was a crazy, desperate plan, but if anyone could have pulled it off, it would have been her. 

All con artists are gamblers, that's what she told me. But she forgot that the house always wins. 

It's strange. Part of me is desperate to live, trying to make you believe me. The other part of me is ready for it to be over. I'm never going to get my life back, I see that now. Music box or no music box, it will never be finished. He, whoever he is, never intended to let me go. 

Go ahead, Neal, shoot me, if that's what you need to do. I understand. But remember this: it won't bring her back. Tomorrow, you'll wake up, and she'll still be gone. You'll still have to face that gnawing grief, the disgusting emptiness of a world without her in it. She's gone, and _nothing_ will ever be right again. But you know that. 

I didn't kill her. Or maybe I did, bringing her in. Or maybe Burke did, never offering her help. He never did believe she was in danger, did he? Or maybe you killed her. You weren't fast enough, weren't smart enough, weren't good enough. You've thought of that last one, haven't you? It consumes you. It will keep consuming you. 

So, shoot me if you can, which I'm beginning to doubt. She would have. Kate wouldn't have let me talk. She wouldn't have given me a warning shot. She would have put a bullet in my brain, just like I did to that bastard, the man who murdered my wife. 

Go on, Neal. Make your choice. I'm waiting.


End file.
